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• I went to the eye doctor and found out I needed glasses for reading.
  So, I got some flip-up contact lenses. -- Steven Wrigh...
• I went to the eye doctor and found out I needed glasses for reading.
  So, I got some flip-up contact lenses. -- Stephen Wrigh...
• I bought a self learning record to learn Spanish. I turned it on and went to sleep
  he record got stuck. The next day I could only stutter in Spanish. -- Steven Wrigh...
• My girlfriend and I went on a picnic. I don't know how she did it, but she got poison ivy on the brain.
  When it itched, the only way she could scratch it was to think about sandpaper. -- Steven Wrigh...
• For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier.
  I put them in the same room and let them fight it out. -- Steven Wrigh...
• I got tired of listening to the recording on the phone at the movie theater.
  So I bought the album. I got kicked out of a theater the other day for bringing my own food in....
• I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door.
  I said, "Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours....
• I went camping and borrowed a circus tent by mistake.
  I didn't notice until I got it set up. People complained because they couldn't see the lake....
• I bought a house, on a one-way dead-end road. I don't know how I got there. -- Steven Wrigh