Related:

• SCRIPTURES, n. The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• MONSIGNOR, n. A high ecclesiastical title, of which the Founder of our religion overlooked the advantages.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• IMBECILITY, n. A kind of divine inspiration, or sacred fire affecting censorious critics of this dictionary.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• TRINITY, n. In the multiplex theism of certain Christian churches, three entirely distinct deities consistent with only one.
  Subordinate deities of the polytheistic faith, such as devils and angels, are not dowered with the power of combination, and must urge individually their clames to adoration and propitiation....
• ELECTOR, n. One who enjoys the sacred privilege of voting for the man of another man's choice.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• AFRICAN, n. A nigger that votes our way. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary
• CAVILER, n. A critic of our own work. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary
• MAYONNAISE, n. One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• UGLINESS, n. A gift of the gods to certain women, entailing virtue without humility.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...