Related:

• Jacques: First, you must get to know your lane. Feel the slickness, feel the slippery finish.
  Caresses it, experience it. Quite smooth, isn't it?...
• I believe in tying the marriage knot, as long as it's around the woman's neck.
  Marriage is a two-way proposition, but never let the woman know she is one of the ways....
• Asked how she felt being the first woman to make a major-league team
  he said, "Like a pig in mud," or words to that effect, and then turned and released a squirt of tobacco juice from the wad of rum soaked plug in her right cheek....
• Our [softball] team usually puts the other woman at second base, where the maximum possible number of males can get there on short notice to help out in case of emergency.
  As far as I can tell, our second basewoman is a pretty good baseball player, better than I am, anyway, but there's no way to know for sure because if the ball gets anywhere near her, a male comes barging over from, say, right field, to deal with it....
• Our [softball] team usually puts the other woman at second base, where the maximum possible number of males can get there on short notice to help out in case of emergency.
  As far as I can tell, our second basewoman is a pretty good baseball player, better than I am, anyway, but there's no way to know for sure because if the ball gets anywhere near her, a male comes barging over from, say, right field, to deal with it....
• She was a very intelligent woman. I remember one time I thought she was cheating on me, but I couldn't prove it.
  So I followed her. She picked this guy up and they drove to a motel....
• A hillbilly boy married a hillbilly girl and went on a honeymoon.
  They were supposed to stay two weeks, but they didn't stay two weeks, they stayed one night....
• The woman hurried home from her doctor's appointment, devastated by the medical report she had just received.
  When her husband came in from work, she told him, "Darling, the doctor said I have only twelve more hours to live....
• I thought that you said you were 20 years old!" "As a programmer, yes," she replied, "And you claimed to be very near two meters tall!
  "You said you were blonde, but you lied!" Oh, she was a hacker and he was one, too, They had so much in common, you'd say....