Related:

• They asked me whether I wanted 20-year financing on my house and I said, 'Make it 50!
  The apocalypse is coming, so who cares!' -- Jon Lewi...
• Ivy and Herbert have just had another baby, and they asked me to go along and see the little stranger.
  They asked me what I thought it was. I got it in three guesses....
• I lay my head on the railroad tracks, Waitin' for the double E.
  The railroad don't run no more. Poor poor pitiful me....
• Monica: Oh, and I can also speak a little French. Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?
  (Mischa laughs) Why? What did I say? Mischa: Well, you just asked if I wanted to go to bed with you tonight....
• I was on a ski lift with a strange guy who announced that he just got out of prison and then asked me if I wanted to know why.
  I reply "no". The guy answers anyway that he pushed a total stranger off the ferris wheel....
• Things are not going well with me. There is a brain-drain in my home town that has been going on for some time now and is rather thorough.
  I wanted to stay around, but was asked to leave by the rest of the permanent residents who felt I was too dumb!...
• In my youth I wanted to be a great pantomimist--but I found I had nothing to say. -- Victor Borge
• She said she would go through anything for me and she wanted to start with my bank book.
• A wino asked me for change. I gave him my shirt...