Related:

• Thank you for phoning the Save the Sasquatch Hotline.
  Our operators do not exist at the moment, but if you wish to make a contribution, please leave your name, number, and the amount of your bequest at the sound of the beep, and something will get back to you shortly....
• You have reached the Strategic Air Command Nuclear Missile Storage Facility.
  We are unable to come to the phone right now. At the tone, please leave your name, number, and target or list of targets, and we'll launch as soon as we can....
• You have reached 843-4734. Please hold while I process your call.
  (Pause.) Our extremely sophisticated computer system performed a trace on your number and was able to match it with our list of important callers....
• You have reached the Des Moines chapter of the Iowa Procrastination Society.
  Please leave a message after the tone and we'll get around to it....
• I meant, said Ipslore bitterly, what is there in this world that truly makes living worth while?
  Death thought about it Cats, he said eventually, Cats are Nice. -- Terry Pratchett, Sourcery...
• Abe: Hey, the lamp's running away! Bart: That's my dog, man!
  Abe: So long, lamp. Now stop loafing and help your Grampa unpack....
• Hi! You have reached 962-0129. None of us are here to answer the phone and the cat doesn't have opposing thumbs, so his messages are illegible.
  Please leave your name and message after the beep......
• Hello, epicenter of the Universe, God speaking. If you leave your name, number, and prayer after the tone, I will call you back as soon as I can.
  Please note that I answer all prayers, but sometimes the answer is NO....
• Your lamp is now on.