Related:

• You have reached the Strategic Air Command Nuclear Missile Storage Facility.
  We are unable to come to the phone right now. At the tone, please leave your name, number, and target or list of targets, and we'll launch as soon as we can....
• Theme music from James Bond:) Hello. My name is David, code number 324-5628.
  I'm sorry I can't take your call, but I'm on an international mission involving the theft of gold plated Spam....
• You have reached 843-4734. Please hold while I process your call.
  (Pause.) Our extremely sophisticated computer system performed a trace on your number and was able to match it with our list of important callers....
• Hello, this is Death. I am not in right now, but if you leave your name and number, I'll be right with you.
  -- Answering machine madness - authority figure...
• Imitating Mr. Rogers:) Hello. I'm in the Neighborhood of Make Believe right now, so I can't come to the phone.
  Can you leave your name and number when you hear the sound of the tone?...
• Hello. I'm home right now but cannot find the phone.
  Please leave a message and I will call you up as soon as I find it....
• I can't come to the phone right now because I'm down in the basement printing up a fresh new batch of twenty dollar bills.
  If you need any money, or if you just want to check out my handiwork, please leave your name, number, and how much cash you need after the tone....
• Hello, this is David. I don't live here, so if you were trying to call me, you've dialed the wrong number.
  On the other hand, if you were trying to call John, Jim, or Eric, please leave your name and number at the tone....
• Hello. This is Ron's answering machine, Marvin, and I'm SO depressed.
  I have 50,000 times the memory capacity of my owner, but all I get to do is answer the phone....