Related:

• The woman hurried home from her doctor's appointment, devastated by the medical report she had just received.
  When her husband came in from work, she told him, "Darling, the doctor said I have only twelve more hours to live....
• Homer: Hee hee! Here comes the bouncing ball of justice!
  Jones: Tonight on "Rock Bottom", we go undercover at a sex farm for sex hookers....
• Homer: They're ruining my whole life. Marge, please, this is where I need you the mo
  I'm counting on you do to something or say something to make it all better....
• Did you hear about the real smart girl who could play post-office all night without getting any mail in her box.
• Duncan [Phoebe's Husband]: Oh God, I don't know how to tell you this.
  I'm straight. Phoebe: Huuh. Duncan: Yeah, I know, I....
• This morning I caught my wife in a lie ... I'm sitting there in the kitchen, having some coffee, biscuits, some jelly.
  About eleven-thirty my old lady came in, and her wig was amuss....
• My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes. -- Emo Philip
• Jacques: First, you must get to know your lane. Feel the slickness, feel the slippery finish.
  Caresses it, experience it. Quite smooth, isn't it?...
• College: The fountains of knowledge, where everyone goes to drink.