Related:

• A diplomat is a person who: + -always knows what to talk about, but doesn't always talk about what he knows.
  + -always tries to settle problems created by other diplomats....
• Real programmers do not clear registers twice before using them.
  In fact, if you annoy a real programmer, he/she won't clear the registers at all....
• A farmer decides that his three sows should be bred, and contacts a buddy down the road, who owns several boars.
  They agree on a stud fee, and the farmer puts the sows in his pickup and takes them down the road to the boars....
• Babysitter: A person who gets paid for emptying your fridge, deep freeze, kitchen cabinets, and who asks you for money to reimburse the Pizza delivery person.
• The rotter who simpers that he sees no difference between the power of the dollar and the power of the whip, ought to learn the difference on his own hide -- as, I think, he will.
  Until and unless you discover that money is the root of all good, you ask for your own destruction....
• Burns: Ladies and gentlemen! In his native land he was a King!
  But he comes before you in chains for your own amusement!...
• Plumber: Well, to be honest, I never got around to ordering that part for you, so, uh, it's still going to be a couple of weeks.
  Homer: [sly] Oh, really? Plumber: Yes... Home...
• THE TRUTH WILL MAKE YOU FREE: * but first, it will make you anxious.
  * however, if it comes in the form of a utility bill, likely the first thing to be freed up will be your bank book....
• A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks you for nothing.
  -- Joey Adam...