Related:

• PHILANTHROPIST, n. A rich (and usually bald) old gentleman who has trained himself to grin while his conscience is picking his pocket.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• PRICE, n. Value, plus a reasonable sum for the wear and tear of conscience in demanding it.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• FORGETFULNESS, n. A gift of God bestowed upon doctors in compensation for their destitution of conscience.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• OATH, n. In law, a solemn appeal to the Deity, made binding upon the conscience by a penalty for perjury.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• PHRENOLOGY, n. The science of picking the pocket through the scalp.
  It consists in locating and exploiting the organ that one is a dupe with....
• Bride, n.: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• TIGHTS, n. An habiliment of the stage designed to reinforce the general acclamation of the press agent with a particular publicity.
  Public attention was once somewhat diverted from this garment to Miss Lillian Russell's refusal to wear it, and many were the conjectures as to her motive, the guess of Miss Pauline Hall showing a high order of ingenuity and sustained reflection....