Related:

• Jacques: First, you must get to know your lane. Feel the slickness, feel the slippery finish.
  Caresses it, experience it. Quite smooth, isn't it?...
• A farmer decides that his three sows should be bred, and contacts a buddy down the road, who owns several boars.
  They agree on a stud fee, and the farmer puts the sows in his pickup and takes them down the road to the boars....
• A gentleman is a man who wouldn't hit a lady with his hat on.
  -- Evan Esar [ And why not? For why does she have his hat on? Ed.]...
• A newly married man comes home to find his wife in tears.
  He asks what caused the tears and she tells him. "The dog ate our dinner!...
• A man took his wife deer hunting for the first time.
  After he'd given her some basic instructions, they agreed to separate and rendezvous later....
• Tamarian mugger: Timbir, his arms up, NOW!
• Forger: a person who gives a check a bad name.
• Yo momma so stupid she called Dan Quayle for a spell check.
• A young man enters the New York branch of Tiffany's on a Friday evening and walks up to a display case full of pearl necklaces.
  He turns to a gorgeous woman, who is obviously windowshopping, looks her straight in the eye and says, "I can tell by your eyes that you really want that necklace....