Related:

• ACADEME: An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught.
  Academy: A modern school where football is taught. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• POSITIVISM, n. A philosophy that denies our knowledge of the Real and affirms our ignorance of the Apparent.
  Its longest exponent is Comte, its broadest Mill and its thickest Spencer....
• QUILL, n. An implement of torture yielded by a goose and commonly wielded by an ass.
  This use of the quill is now obsolete, but its modern equivalent, the steel pen, is wielded by the same everlasting Presence....
• PIRACY, n. Commerce without its folly-swaddles, just as God made it.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• SCARABAEUS, n. The sacred beetle of the ancient Egyptians, allied to our familiar "tumble-bug.
  It was supposed to symbolize immortality, the fact that God knew why giving it its peculiar sanctity....
• Inventor, n. A person who makes an ingenious arrangement of wheels, levers, and springs, and believes it civilization.
  -- Ambrose Bierce "The Devil's Dictionary...
• APRIL FOOL, n. The March fool with another month added to his folly.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• BERENICE'S HAIR, n. A constellation (_Coma Berenices_) named in honor of one who sacrificed her hair to save her husband.
  Her locks an ancient lady gave Her loving husband's life to save...
• PHILOSOPHY, n. A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...