QUEUE
Something that supermarket supervisors obviously have no idea how
to manage. It's tempting when you're waiting to grab a PA
microphone and shout "Yes, shoppers, don't leave yet, 'cos we've
got mega bargains now! All breakfast cereal, meat and dairy produce
bought in the next fifteen minutes is 90% off! Stock up now!" Wait
thirty seconds and all the queues will have disappeared.
I sometimes get quite infuriated in supermarkets. Keep me off
the roads - people are in enough trouble when they get in the way
of my trolley. Some of them leave their shopping trolleys in the
middle of the aisle. Next time that happens I'm gonna move it for
them and then watch as they try to work out where they left it.
I dream that one day they'll turn the whole supermarket into
one big one-way system. "Hey, too bad if you don't want dog food
because you haven't got a dog... too bad! You gotta go via the dog
food anyway! What'dya mean you forgot the eggs... too late now!
You'll just have to go around again! See you in hell, shopper! You
there! Trying to climb over the frozen food section to get back to
the shampoo! Get down here now! Reg - get the shotgun! ... <BANG>
... Your attention shoppers, due to an... incident in the frozen
food section, all shoppers will be detoured via hygiene products.
We apologise for any inconvenience. Do not attempt to enter the
frozen food section. Thank you for shopping at Dangerousway."
-- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
Most people think life sucks, and then you die. Not me. I beg to differ. I
think life sucks, then you get cancer, then your dog dies, your wife leaves
you, the cancer goes into remission, you get a new dog, you get remarried,
you owe ten million dollars in medical bills but you work hard for thirty-
five years and you pay it back and then -- one day -- you have a massive
stroke, your whole right side is paralyzed, you have to limp along the streets
and speak out of the left side of your mouth and drool but you go into
rehabilitation and regain the power to walk and the power to talk and then
-- one day -- you step off a curb at Sixty-seventh Street, and BANG you get
hit by a city bus and then you die....
