Related:

• SLANG, n. The grunt of the human hog (_Pignoramus intolerabilis_) with an audible memory.
  The speech of one who utters with his tongue what he thinks with his ear, and feels the pride of a creator in accomplishing the feat of a parrot....
• BRAIN, n. An apparatus with which we think what we think.
  That which distinguishes the man who is content to _be_ something from the man who wishes to _do_ something....
• INTRODUCTION, n. A social ceremony invented by the devil for the gratification of his servants and the plaguing of his enemies.
  The introduction attains its most malevolent development in this century, being, indeed, closely related to our political system....
• LECTURER, n. One with his hand in your pocket, his tongue in your ear and his faith in your patience.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• BEGGAR, n. One who has relied on the assistance of his friends.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• Coward, n.: One who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• UNCTION, n. An oiling, or greasing. The rite of extreme unction consists in touching with oil consecrated by a bishop several parts of the body of one engaged in dying.
  Marbury relates that after the rite had been administered to a certain wicked English nobleman it was discovered that the oil had not been properly consecrated and no other could be obtained....