Related:

• TRINITY, n. In the multiplex theism of certain Christian churches, three entirely distinct deities consistent with only one.
  Subordinate deities of the polytheistic faith, such as devils and angels, are not dowered with the power of combination, and must urge individually their clames to adoration and propitiation....
• Quote #159 The first question which you will ask and which I must try to answer is this, "What is the use of climbing Mount Everest?
  and my answer must at once be, "It is no use." There is not the slightest prospect of any gain whatsoever....
• SCRIPTURES, n. The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• Don't steal; thou'lt never thus compete/Successfully in business.
  Cheat. BIBLE = A collection of fantastic legends without any scientific support....
• RIGHTEOUSNESS, n. A sturdy virtue that was once found among the Pantidoodles inhabiting the lower part of the peninsula of Oque.
  Some feeble attempts were made by returned missionaries to introduce it into several European countries, but it appears to have been imperfectly expounded....
• CHILDHOOD, n. The period of human life intermediate between the idiocy of infancy and the folly of youth -- two removes from the sin of manhood and three from the remorse of age.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• Already the spirit of our schooling is permeated with the feeling that every subject, every topic, every fact, every professed truth must be submitted to a certain publicity and impartiality.
  All proffered samples of learning must go to the same assay-room and be subjected to common tests....
• INCUBUS, n. One of a race of highly improper demons who, though probably not wholly extinct, may be said to have seen their best nights.
  For a complete account of _incubi_ and _succubi_, including _incubae_ and _succubae_, see the _Liber Demonorum_ of Protassus (Paris, 1328), which contains much curious information that would be out of place in a dictionary intended as a text-book for the public schools....
• MUMMY, n. An ancient Egyptian, formerly in universal use among modern civilized nations as medicine, and now engaged in supplying art with an excellent pigment.
  He is handy, too, in museums in gratifying the vulgar curiosity that serves to distinguish man from the lower animals....