Related:

• Aristodemus, a friend of Antigonus, supposed to be a cook's son, advised him to moderate his gifts and expenses.
  Thy words," said he, "Aristodemus, smell of the apron." -- Plutarch (46-120 AD) -- Antigonus I...
• When Hermodotus in his poems described Antigonus as the son of Helios, "My valet-de-chambre," said he, "is not aware of this.
  -- Plutarch (46-120 AD) -- Of Isis and Osiri...
• The saying of old Antigonus, who when he was to fight at Andros, and one told him, "The enemy's ships are more than ours," replied, "For how many then wilt thou reckon me?
  -- Plutarch (46-120 AD) -- Life of Pelopida...
• Thrasyllus the Cynic begged a drachm of Antigonus. "That," said he, "is too little for a king to give.
  Why, then," said the other, "give me a talent." "And that," said he, "is too much for a Cynic (or, for a dog) to receive....
• A cannibal warrior is experiencing severe gastric distress, so he goes to his Village Witch Doctor with his complaint.
  The VWD examines him and, concluding that something he ate disagreed with him, began to cross examine him about his recent diet....
• The Poet Whose Badness Saved His Life The most important poet in the seventeenth century was George Wither.
  Alexander Pope called him "wretched Wither" and Dryden said of his verse that "if they rhymed and rattled all was well"....
• Alexander wept when he heard from Anaxarchus that there was an infinite number of world
  and his friends asking him if any accident had befallen him, he returns this answe...
• He made one of Antipater's recommendation a judge; and perceiving afterwards that his hair and beard were coloured
  he removed him, saying, "I could not think one that was faithless in his hair could be trusty in his deeds....
• When Philip had news brought him of divers and eminent successes in one day, "O Fortune!
  aid he, "for all these so great kindnesses do me some small mischief....