Related:

• Remember that whatever misfortune may be your lot, it could only be worse in Cleveland.
  -- National Lampoon, "Deteriorada...
• Be assured that a walk through the ocean of most Souls would scarcely get your Feet wet.
  Fall not in Love, therefore: it will stick to your face. -- National Lampoon, "Deteriorada...
• Avoid Quiet and Placid persons unless you are in Need of Sleep. -- National Lampoon, "Deteriorada
• Go placidly amid the noise and waste, and remember what value there may be in owning a piece thereof.
  -- National Lampoon, "Deteriorata...
• Let not the sands of time get in your lunch. -- National Lampoon, _Deteriorata_
• That's not funny, that's sick! -- National Lampoo