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• The Army is a place where you get up early in the morning to be yelled at by people with short haircuts and tiny brains.
  -- Dave Barry...
• Don't get up too early in the morning, because the early bird gets the worm, and no matter how you try to prepare it, breakfast is just awful.
• And, of course, you have the commercials where savvy businesspeople Get Ahead by using their MacIntosh computers to create the ultimate American business produc
  a really sharp-looking report. -- Dave Barry...
• You first have to decide whether to use the short or the long form.
  The short form is what the Internal Revenue Service calls "simplified", which means it is designed for people who need the help of a Sears tax-preparation expert to distinguish between their first and last names....
• As you know, birds do not have sexual organs because they would interfere with flight.
  [In fact, this was the big breakthrough for the Wright Brothers....
• Take the folks at Coca-Cola. For many years, they were content to sit back and make the same old carbonated beverage.
  It was a good beverage, no question about it; generations of people had grown up drinking it and doing the experiment in sixth grade where you put a nail into a glass of Coke and after a couple of days the nail dissolves and the teacher say...