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• I was walking across a bridge one day, and i saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off.
  o i ran over and said "stop! don't do it!" "Why shouldn't I?...
• CHURCH A church is either (a) a big, generally impressive-looking building where people go to indulge in religious activities, or (b) a rash commonly found on the upper-thigh.
  I think it's (b). One well-known cure is to dab it with a cream mixed from worm manure, cow snot and crushed caterpillars....
• I do not believe in the creed professed by the Jewish Church, by the Roman Church, by the Greek Church, by the Turkish Church, by the Protestant Church, nor by any Church that I know of.
  My own mind is my own Church. -- Thomas Paine...
• I do not believe in the creed professed by the Jewish church, by the Roman church, by the Greek church, by the Turkish church, by the Protestant church, nor by any church that I know of.
  My own mind is my own church. -- Thomas Paine...
• Holy Smokes!...."the church is on fire!
• The Catholic Church: A successful vampire cult.
• Edna: [looking at SLH] Oh, he is a gem! Here boy. [kisses] Would you like these cookies Martin made for me?
  Martin: My raisin roundies! Bart: My dog's name is Santa's Little Helper....
• The First Amendment has erected a wall of separation between church and state, but that wall is a one directional wall
  it keeps the government from running the church, but it makes sure that Christian principles will always stay in government....
• Going to church makes you about as Christian as going to McDonalds makes you a hamburger.