Related:

• May your caffeine sources always be fresh.
• Seafood brought in by customers will not be entertained. -- Restaurant sign in Langkawi, Malaysia
• Dear Miss Manners: I carry a big black umbrella, even if there's just a thirty percent chance of rain.
  May I ask a young lady who is a stranger to me to share its protection?...
• Make a small scene outside a seafood restaurant. Accuse them of sauteeing your best friend.
  Glare at everyone who comes out. -- More things to do as preparation for life as a mermaid....
• If you don't write to complain, you'll never receive your order.
  If you do write, you will receive your order before your tacky letter reaches the company....
• New Hampshire law forbids you to tap your feet, nod your head, or in any way keep time to the music in a tavern, restaurant, or cafe.
• ORDER The process of telling the waiter what you would like to eat, preferably a choice from that on the menu.
  Following the ordering process, you will make a note of everything that they forget to bring you, and finally find the courage to kick up a stink when the meal's over and everyone's leaving....