Related:

• You know you should be swimming when . . . People have asked you on several occasions what *is*, in fact, the Best Tuna.
• DISCOUNT The art of making shoppers feel happier about having just bought something by letting them know that they didn't get as badly ripped-off as they would have if they'd bought it when the discount didn't apply.
  -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA...
• VOLUNTARY Descriptive of an action which you are doing purely because you have been embarrassed into it.
  -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA...
• MAN o /|\ / \ -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
• HAIL Like rain, but harder. Meteorologists have conducted studies about the weather patterns relating to hail
  and the likely occurrence of it, and have concluded that it is most likely to hail when you are walking down the street without even an umbrella for protection....
• WEATHER Environmental conditions which necessitate the wearing of whatever article/s of clothing you just happen not to have brought with you.
  This is because weather has an average unpredictability factor of 97%....
• VARNISH What you promise yourself you'll do to that unfinished furniture you have bought.
  And still haven't done twenty years later when it begins to fall apart....
• You know you should be swimming when . . . You routinely find yourself buying (male or female) exactly one less item of bathing apparel than you have previously.