Related:

• WOMAN: An animal usually living in the vicinity of Man, and having a rudimentary susceptibility to domestication.
  -- Bierce...
• WOMAN, n. An animal usually living in the vicinity of Man, and having a rudimentary susceptibility to domestication.
  It is credited by many of the elder zoologists with a certain vestigial docility acquired in a former state of seclusion, but naturalists of the postsusananthony period, having no knowledge of the seclusion, deny the virtue and declare that such as creation's dawn beheld, it roareth now....
• Honorable, adj. Afflicted with an impediment in one's reach.
  In legislative bodies, it is customary to mention all members as honorable...
• MOUTH, n. In man, the gateway to the soul; in woman, the outlet of the heart.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• LAP, n. One of the most important organs of the female system -- an admirable provision of nature for the repose of infancy
  but chiefly useful in rural festivities to support plates of cold chicken and heads of adult males....
• ORPHAN, n. A living person whom death has deprived of the power of filial ingratitude -- a privation appealing with a particular eloquence to all that is sympathetic in human nature.
  When young the orphan is commonly sent to an asylum, where by careful cultivation of its rudimentary sense of locality it is taught to know its place....
• Charity: a thing that begins at home and usually stays there.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• LAWFUL, adj. Compatible with the will of a judge having jurisdiction.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• INDISCRETION, n. The guilt of woman. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary