Related:

• MISS, n. The title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the market.
  Miss, Missis (Mrs.) and Mister (Mr.) are the three most distinctly disagreeable words in the language, in sound and sense....
• SATIETY, n. The feeling that one has for the plate after he has eaten its contents, madam.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• MISCREANT, n. A person of the highest degree of unworth.
  Etymologically, the word means unbeliever, and its present signification may be regarded as theology's noblest contribution to the development of our language....
• RIBROASTER, n. Censorious language by oneself concerning another.
  The word is of classical refinement, and is even said to have been used in a fable by Georgius Coadjutor, one of the most fastidious writers of the fifteenth century -- commonly, indeed, regarded as the founder of the Fastidiotic School....
• PHYSICIAN, n. One upon whom we set our hopes when ill and our dogs when well.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• LANGUAGE, n. The music with which we charm the serpents guarding another's treasure.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• SCRIBBLER, n. A professional writer whose views are antagonistic to one's own.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• DICTIONARY, n. A malevolent literary device for cramping the growth of a language and making it hard and inelastic.
  This dictionary, however, is a most useful work. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• PLOW, n. An implement that cries aloud for hands accustomed to the pen.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...