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• Don't tell a woman she's pretty; tell her there's no other woman like her, and all roads will open to you.
  -- Jules Renard...
• Lisa: [shielding her eyes from the light; wobbly] What's happening?
  Where am I?? Helen: And she's on drugs!...
• ARCHITECTURAL HISTORIANS can tell you who put it up, how big it wa
• Hairdresser: So, what's the verdict? Woman: [realizes she's been given a Marge Simpson hairdo] Oh, dear God!
  I can't even put a bag over my head! Hairdresser: Yes you can. -- "Homer Alone...
• She was ugly! She was known as a two-bagger. That's a girl who's so ugly, when you go out with her you put a bag over your head in case the bag over her head breaks.
  She was so ugly, you look in the dictionary under "ugly" and you see her picture....
• Nancy Reagan meets Ms. Manners: Just say No, thank you.
• I bet for an Indian, shooting a old fat pioneer woman in the back with an arrow, and she fires her shotgun into the ground as she falls over, is like the top thing you can do.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• Hey Nancy, Mickey said to tell you to shove it.
• Nancy Reagan: "Say, Ron, didn't you call Ollie North a patriot?
  Ronald Reagan: "I don't remember....