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• You know that you are from a small town if the main street of the place runs through a car wash.
• A small town is one where there is no place to go where you shouldn't. -- Alexander Woollco
• You know you live in a really small town when: The mayor is also the police force and a bagger at the local supermarket.
• You know you're in a small town..... ...if you dial the wrong number, and talk for 15 minutes anyway.
• The husband, the owner of a new car, was somewhat reluctant to allow his wife to use the new car, even to drive to the grocery store, a mere few blocks away from the house.
  Finally, after she rather insisted, he allowed it, cautioning her as she departed, "Remember, if you have an accident, the newspaper will print your age!...
• Mel: Mr. Burns was shot Friday at three p.m., the very time that Smithers was at home watching "Pardon My Zinger".
  So you see, he couldn't have done it. Smithe...
• Long's Notes 1) Always store beer in a dark place.
  2) Any priest or shaman must be presumed guilty until proved innocent....
• Homer opens the door resolutely, then unplugs the TV] [the kids, watching it, open their mouths] Home
  [quickly] Kids! Here's $50, why not go to the movies, then take a cab to your aunts' house?...
• You know it's going to be a bad day when: your only son tells you he wishes Anita Bryant would mind her own business.