Related:

• Your digestive system is your body's Fun House, whereby food goes on a long
  dark, scary ride, taking all kinds of unexpected twists and turns, being attacked by vicious secretions along the way, and not knowing until the last minute whether it will be turned into a useful body part or ejected into the Dark Hole by Mister Sphincter....
• Dave Barry Your digestive system is your body's Fun House
  whereby food goes on a long, dark, scary ride, taking all kinds of unexpected twists and turns, being attacked by vicious secretions along the way, and not knowing until the last minute whether it will be turned into a useful body part or ejected into the Dark Hole by Mister Sphincter....
• REPORTER: Senator, are you for or against the MX missile system?
  SENATOR: Bob, the MX missile system reminds me of an old saying that the country folk in my state like to say....
• When you slithered out of your hole that day, and you spewed your venom all over this defenseless 12-year-old girl, you made this court's top 10 hit list.
  In a way, the best sentence this court could give would be no sentence at all, because if you left this courtroom I don't think you would be alive 10 minutes....
• You first have to decide whether to use the short or the long form.
  The short form is what the Internal Revenue Service calls "simplified", which means it is designed for people who need the help of a Sears tax-preparation expert to distinguish between their first and last names....
• We have fun--that's what I like about bowling. You can have fun even if you stink, unlike in, say, tennis.
  Every decade or so, I attempt to play tennis, and it always consists of thirty-seven seconds of actually hitting the ball and two hours of yelling, "Where did the ball go?...