Related:

• Totsnotter: A child who is crying and talking simultaneously.
• Please be seated during the entire performance.
  -- Seen in one of the toilets at University of Toledo...
• You know your child is not too smart when during the school period, roll call is taken and the child is stuck for an answer.
• If a small child asks you where rain comes from, I think a reasonable response is simply that "God is crying.
  And, if he asks you why God is crying, the only possible answer is "Probably because of something you did....
• Madam, there's no such thing as a tough child -- if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
  -- W.C. Field...
• Afterlyfe.sys not found! Do you want to re-incarnate?
• And the RESET button lets you re-run AUTOEXEC.BAT!
• Never play peek-a-boo with a child on a long plane trip.
  There's no end to the game. Finally I grabbed him by the bib and said, "Look, it's always gonna be me!...
• Never allow your child to call you by your first name.
  He hasn't known you long enough. -- Fran Lebowitz...