Related:

• I once went for a job at one of the airlines. The interviewer asked me why I wanted to be a stewardess, and I told her--it would be a great chance to meet men.
  I was honest about it! She looked at me and said, "But you can meet men anywhere....
• There's not a lot of warmth between me and my mother.
  I asked her about it. I said, "Mrs. Stoller ..." -- Fred Stolle...
• I told her, "Like (*&^%$# you are!
• My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes. -- Emo Philip
• Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard To fetch her poor daughter a dress.
  When she got there, the cupboard was bare And so was her daughter, I guess......
• The changes of the year were once a blessing Well, this year they're the seasons of my discontent But I cannot rewrite my old diaries I can only recall all the things that came and went.
  -- Crash Test Dummie...
• Here lies my wife: her let her lie! Now she's at rest, and so am I.
  -- John Dryden, epitaph intended for his wife...
• I asked my mother for a mind of my own, but she said no.
• My mother made me a homosexual! If I send her the yarn, can she make me one too?