Related:

• Every man has one thing he can do better than anyone else - and usually it's reading his own handwriting.
  -- G. Norman Collie...
• Wiggum: Here is a photo of the fugitive from our files.
  [holds up picture of Homer in "Haig in '88" T-shirt] And now, Waylon Smithers, uh, who's been a _real_ good sport about that wrongful arrest thing -- whew!...
• My ritual differs slightly. What I do, first thing [in the morning], is I hop into the shower stall.
  Then I hop right back out, because when I hopped in I landed barefoot right on top of See Threepio, a little plastic robot character from "Star Wars" whom my son, Robert, likes to pull the legs off of while he showers....
• What I do, first thing [in the morning], is I hop into the shower stall.
  Then I hop right back out, because when I hopped in I landed barefoot right on top of See Threepio, a little plastic robot character from "Star Wars" whom my son, Robert, likes to pull the legs off of while he showers....
• Lisa: Look, we got a package from the Mr. Sparkle company in Japan.
  Homer: Ooh! [opens package, but only Styrofoam packing peanuts spill out....
• A dog is man's best friend because he wags his tail, not his tongue.
• Never look down to test the ground before taking your next step
  only he who keeps his eye fixed on the far horizon will find his right road. -- Dag Hammarskjold...
• A carpet installer decides to take a cigarette break after completing the installation in the first of several rooms he has to do.
  Finding them missing from his pocket he begins searching, only to notice a small lump in his recently completed carpet-installation....