Related:

• The woman hurried home from her doctor's appointment, devastated by the medical report she had just received.
  When her husband came in from work, she told him, "Darling, the doctor said I have only twelve more hours to live....
• Jacques: First, you must get to know your lane. Feel the slickness, feel the slippery finish.
  Caresses it, experience it. Quite smooth, isn't it?...
• I believe in tying the marriage knot, as long as it's around the woman's neck.
  Marriage is a two-way proposition, but never let the woman know she is one of the ways....
• I do not take drugs -- I am drugs. -- Salvador Dali
• There is only one difference between a madman and me. I am not mad. -- Salvador Dali
• O, I have passed a miserable night, So full of ugly sigh
  of ghastly dreams, That, as I am a Christian faithful man, I would not spend another such a night, Though 't were to buy a world of happy days....
• My darling wife was always glum. I drowned her in a cask of rum, And so made sure that she would stay In better spirits night and day.
• A little woman fell in love with a man 90 years old--until she made a date with him.
  She goes out with him that night, and a friend says the next morning, "How did you like him?...
• Alex came home from a business trip to Chicago and found no one home but his daughter Rose, who was crying bitterly.
  "What's the matter, darling?" asked Alex. "Mommy almost died last night," sobbed Rose....