Related:

• Jacques: First, you must get to know your lane. Feel the slickness, feel the slippery finish.
  Caresses it, experience it. Quite smooth, isn't it?...
• A man is walking down the street when he sees a man with four arms, and antennae coming out of his head.
  He goes up to him and says, "You're not from around here, are you?...
• Rooney: Milhouse, listen: you can't quit this movie.
  I've seen your work; it's good -- very, very good....
• Oh, he [a big dog] hunts with papa," she said. "He says Don Carlos [the dog] is good for almost every kind of game.
  He went duck hunting one time and did real well at it....
• A piece of string goes into a bar, climbs up on a stool and orders a martini.
  Bartender says "Get outta here, we don't serve no strings in this joint....
• Lisa: Isn't anybody going to show up? Lovejoy: Well, Lisa, we've waited an hour.
  [clears his throat, reads] Dearly Beloved, we are gathered here today to bid farewell to Blood and Guts Murphy....
• My friends, I am here to tell you of the wonderous continent known as Africa.
  Well we left New York drunk and early on the morning of February 31....
• A Southern boy graduates from high school heads north to college, taking the family dog, Old Blue with him, for company.
  He's only been there a few weeks when he gets a call from his girlfriend...
• Many people think that history is a dull subject. Dull?
  Is it "dull" that Jesse James once got bitten on the forehead by an ant, and at first it didn't seem like anything, but then the bite got worse and worse, so he went to a doctor in town, and the secretary told him to wait, so he sat down and waited, and waited, and waited, and waited, and then finally he got to see the doctor, and the doctor put some salve on it?...