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• What did ya do with your burden and your cross? Did you carry it yourself or did you cry?
  You and I know that a burden and a cross, Can only be carried on one man's back....
• Now, I know you're probably asking yourself "Did he fire six shots, or just five?
  Well, in all this excitement, I clean forgot myself....
• Are you a parent? Do you sometimes find yourself unsure as to what to say in those awkward situations?
  Worry no more... Do as I say, not as I do. Do me a favour and don't tell me about it....
• I know what you're thinking -- `Did he fire six shots or only five?
  ' Well, to tell you the truth, in all the excitement, I kind of lost track myself....
• To fall in love with yourself is the first secret of happiness.
  I did so at the age of four-and-a-half. Then if you're not a good mixer you can always fall back on your own company....
• Commandant: Next up ... Simp-son, Lis-a. [the crowd falls silent.
  The cadet leader plays, "Taps." Lisa climbs the ladder to the first platform, as the crowd begins jeering] Lisa...
• Bart: [plaintive] Are you there, God? It's me, Bart Simpson.
  I know I never paid too much attention in church, but I could really use some of that good stuff now....
• What do you get if you cross a woodpecker with a chicken?
  I don't know, but you have to saw the eggs open....
• Education is learning that you did not even know what you did not even know you did not even know.