Related:

• When a woman gives me a present I have always two surprise
  first is the present, and afterward, having to pay for it. -- Donnay...
• Beauty is the first present nature gives to woman and the first it takes away.
  -- George Brossin Mere...
• Experience is the worst teacher. It always gives the test first and the instruction afterward.
• I bet you don't have a vibrating chair in that bag for me.
  -- Homer to Herb about his lack of present, "Brother, Can You Spare Two Dimes?...
• When I was young I was sure of everything; in a few years, having been mistaken a thousand times, I was not half so sure of most things as I was before
  at present, I am hardly sure of anything but what God has revealed to me. -- John Wesley...
• Why don't somebody print the truth about our present economic condition?
  We spent years of wild buying on credit, everything under the sun, whether we needed it or not, and now we are having to pay for it, howling like a pet coon....
• We're going to find out tonight who the oldest lady in the audience is.
  And we have a marvelous present for her. When we find the oldest lady, we're going to give her ....