Related:

• A man was griping to his friend about how he hated to go home after a late card games.
  "You wouldn't believe what I go through to avoid waking my wife," he said....
• QUEEN Not much of a career to get into if you can help it.
  Tends to involve flying all over the place being famous....
• Jacques: First, you must get to know your lane. Feel the slickness, feel the slippery finish.
  Caresses it, experience it. Quite smooth, isn't it?...
• A lot of schools around New York keep sending school reporters to interview me.
  So this girl comes over from a girls' college the other day and she says, "How old should a girl be before she goes to a prom in a strapless dress?...
• I learned to play guitar just to get the girls, and anyone who says they didn't is just lyin'!
  -- Willie Nelso...
• Bart: [looking into the distance] [gasps] The store detective!
  [to photographer] Hey, Ansel Adams, let's go....
• She just, turns around and disappear. I kinda like that style.
• An old man is lying on his deathbed with all his children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren gathered around, teary-eyed at the approaching finale of a deeply loved family member.
  The old man is in a light coma, and the doctors have confirmed that the waiting will be over within the next twenty-four hours....
• Burns: Just sign here, and your son will stand to inherit my entire estate.
  Homer: Woo hoo! We're rich! Bart, get over to the mansion and open up all the windows....