Related:

• CONVENT, n. A place of retirement for woman who wish for leisure to meditate upon the vice of idleness.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• BRAHMA, n. He who created the Hindoos, who are preserved by Vishnu and destroyed by Siva -- a rather neater division of labor than is found among the deities of some other nations.
  The Abracadabranese, for example, are created by Sin, maintained by Theft and destroyed by Folly....
• REPENTANCE, n. The faithful attendant and follower of Punishment.
  It is usually manifest in a degree of reformation that is not inconsistent with continuity of sin....
• MISDEMEANOR, n. An infraction of the law having less dignity than a felony and constituting no claim to admittance into the best criminal society.
  By misdemeanors he essays to climb Into the aristocracy of crime....
• AUCTIONEER, n. The man who proclaims with a hammer that he has picked a pocket with his tongue.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• CONTROVERSY, n. A battle in which spittle or ink replaces the injurious cannon-ball and the inconsiderate bayonet.
  In controversy with the facile tongue -- That bloodless warfare of the old and young -- So seek your adversary to engage That on himself he shall exhaust his rage, And, like a snake that's fastened to the ground, With his own fangs inflict the fatal wound....
• BACKBITE, v.t. To speak of a man as you find him when he can't find you.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• Bore, n.: A person who talks when you wish him to listen.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...