Related:

• LECTURER, n. One with his hand in your pocket, his tongue in your ear and his faith in your patience.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• PHILANTHROPIST, n. A rich (and usually bald) old gentleman who has trained himself to grin while his conscience is picking his pocket.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• BEGGAR, n. One who has relied on the assistance of his friends.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• ADHERENT, n. A follower who has not yet obtained all that he expects to get.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• SLANG, n. The grunt of the human hog (_Pignoramus intolerabilis_) with an audible memory.
  The speech of one who utters with his tongue what he thinks with his ear, and feels the pride of a creator in accomplishing the feat of a parrot....
• DEBAUCHEE, n. One who has so earnestly pursued pleasure that he has had the misfortune to overtake it.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• DENTIST, n. A prestidigitator who, putting metal into your mouth, pulls coins out of your pocket.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• Ocean, n.: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man -- who has no gills.
  -- Ambrose Bierce "The Devil's Dictionary...
• CLERGYMAN, n. A man who undertakes the management of our spiritual affairs as a method of better his temporal ones.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...