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• I got into an elevator at work and this man followed in after me.
  .. I pushed '1' and he just stood there... I said 'Hi, where you going?...
• If a man runs after money - that man is money-crazy.
  If a man keeps the money he earns - he is a capitalist....
• Dave: [in a wooden voice] Represented on this next float is Roger Myers Sr.
  who founded his company in 1921, and struck it big when he teamed up a mouse named Itchy with a cat named Scratchy....
• Let's talk about how to fill out your 1984 tax return.
  Here's an often overlooked accounting technique that can save you thousands of dolla...
• Let's talk about how to fill out your 1984 tax return.
  Here's an often overlooked accounting technique that can save you thousands of dolla...
• Skinner: [to Edna] I'll handle this. Simpson! I'm giving you till the count of three to come out!
  One, two, three! [pause] I've done all I can do....
• Well, anyway, I was reading this James Bond book, and right away I realized that like most books, it had too many words.
  The plot was the same one that all James Bond books have...
• Alcohol is good for you. My grandfather proved it irrevocably.
  He drank two quarts of booze every mature day of his life and lived to the age of 103....