Related:

• A man met a beautiful young woman in a bar. They got along well, shared dinner, and had a marvelous evening.
  When he left her, he told her that he had really enjoyed their time together, and hoped to see her again, soon....
• Jacques: First, you must get to know your lane. Feel the slickness, feel the slippery finish.
  Caresses it, experience it. Quite smooth, isn't it?...
• Alex came home from a business trip to Chicago and found no one home but his daughter Rose, who was crying bitterly.
  "What's the matter, darling?" asked Alex. "Mommy almost died last night," sobbed Rose....
• Can you do Addition?" the White Queen asked. "What's one and one and one and one and one and one and one and one and one and one?
  "I don't know," said Alice. "I lost count." "She can't do Addition," the Red Queen interrupted....
• The honeymooning couple agreed it was a fine day for horseback riding.
  After a mile or so, the bride's mount cantered under a low tree and a branch scraped her forehead lightly....
• Homer: Boy, when Marge first told me she was going to the police academy, I thought it'd be fun and exciting, you know, like that movie, "Spaceballs".
  But instead it's been painful and disturbing like that movie "Police Academy"....
• Old Ladies Two old ladies were waiting for a bus and one of them was smoking a cigarette.
  It started to rain, so the old lady reached into her purse, took out a condom, cut off the tip and slipped it over her cigarette and continued to smoke....
• A Scotsman was strolling across High Street one day wearing his kilt.
  As he neared the far curb, he noticed two young blondes in a red convertible eyeing him and giggling....
• Sam went to his psychiatrist complaining of a hatred for elephants.
  "I can't stand elephants," he explained. "I lie awake nights despising them....