Related:

• Texas A&M football coach Jackie Sherrill went to the office of the Dean of Academics because he was concerned about his players' mental abilities.
  "My players are just too stupid for me to deal with them", he told the unbelieving dean....
• Jimbo and Kearney restrain Bart] Nelson: [beating on Bart] This is for wasting teacher's valuable time!
  Lisa: [punches Jimbo, pulls his shirt half over his head] Lay off, guys!...
• Lucky is he for whom the belle toils.
• Bart: By the way, your martinis suck! Kid: Oh yeah?
  What are you going to do? Start your own casino in your treehouse and get all your little friends to come?...
• A New Yorker is riding down the road in his new Mercedes.
  So intent is he on the cocaine in his hand he completely misses a turn and his car plunges over the five-hundred-foot cliff to be smashed into pieces at the bottom....
• The honeymooning couple agreed it was a fine day for horseback riding.
  After a mile or so, the bride's mount cantered under a low tree and a branch scraped her forehead lightly....
• This one is for all you military types. For those who don't know, Rangers are *extremely* well trained members of the U.
  S. Army. Marines are people who start out as normal soldiers and then are made to believe that bullets don't actually hurt....
• If anyone has seen my dog, please contact me at x2883 as soon as possible.
  We're offering a substantial reward. He's a sable collie, with three legs, blind in his left eye, is missing part of his right ear and the tip of his tail....