Related:

• APPETITE, n. An instinct thoughtfully implanted by Providence as a solution to the labor question.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• ECCENTRICITY, n. A method of distinction so cheap that fools employ it to accentuate their incapacity.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• DRAGOON, n. A soldier who combines dash and steadiness in so equal measure that he makes his advances on foot and his retreats on horseback.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• AUCTIONEER, n. The man who proclaims with a hammer that he has picked a pocket with his tongue.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• LINEN, n. "A kind of cloth the making of which, when made of hemp, entails a great waste of hemp.
  Calcraft the Hangman. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• Liver: A large red organ thoughtfully provided by nature to be bilious with.
  -- Ambrose Bierce: "The Devil's Dictionary...
• BLACKGUARD, n. A man whose qualities, prepared for display like a box of berries in a market -- the fine ones on top -- have been opened on the wrong side.
  An inverted gentleman. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• NOBLEMAN, n. Nature's provision for wealthy American minds ambitious to incur social distinction and suffer high life.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• NOMINEE, n. A modest gentleman shrinking from the distinction of private life and diligently seeking the honorable obscurity of public office.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...