Related:

• Alex came home from a business trip to Chicago and found no one home but his daughter Rose, who was crying bitterly.
  "What's the matter, darling?" asked Alex. "Mommy almost died last night," sobbed Rose....
• Peter: ... what did you take? A: I was in history.
  Peter: Why did you stop? A: I found history to be a waste of time....
• Why did the blonde have a bruised navel? Her boyfriend's blonde, too.
• If God exists, why did he allow Nazis?" "How should I know?
  I don't even know how the can opener works." -- Woody Allen, "Hannah and her Siste...
• Homer: Woo hoo! I'm so glad to have my mom back. I never realized how much I missed her!
  Marge: [pause] She's nice. Homer: But...? Marge: I just don't think you should get too excited about the woman who abandoned you for 25 years....
• Did you hear about the nurse they thought had drowned until they found her under the doc.
• Have you found your life distasteful? My life did, and does, smack sweet.
  Was your youth of pleasure wasteful? Mine I saved and hold complete....
• Where, oh, where, are you tonight? Why did you leave me here all alone?
  I searched the world over, and I thought I'd found true love....
• I don't know why I did it, I don't know why I enjoyed it, and I don't know why I'll do it again.
  -- Bart Simpso...