Related:

• Hi. This is Kevin and Diana's vacuum cleaner. Their appliances have switched jobs again, and I get to answer the phone 'cause my old job sucked.
  So leave a message after you hear the beep, and you can be sure it's in the bag....
• Computer generated voices:) 1: I didn't expect an answering machine.
  2: Nobody expects an answering machine. 1: Our chief use is to get your name....
• Computer generated voices:) 1: Hello, there are no real people here to answer the phone right now.
  2: Yeah, nobody but us machines! 1: Right, just us machines, but don't hang up!...
• Don't you do it! Don't you dare! I don't want to hear it!
  Don't you beep! If you beep, I'll... don't even think about it!...
• Thug voice:) Uh, hello, Mike and Brian aren't here right now.
  They've been kidnapped! So at the beep, leave your name, your number, your message, and ten thousand dollars in a brown paper bag....
• This is Anthony. Leave me a message at the beep. (beep) Whoops, I bet you couldn't hear that.
  Lemme try again. (Beep) Nuts, once more with feeling....
• Hello, this is Marlin's answering machine reminding you that yesterday was the last day of the previous period of your life.
  After the beep you can tell me how it was, or leave some other, informative message....
• Hello, epicenter of the Universe, God speaking. If you leave your name, number, and prayer after the tone, I will call you back as soon as I can.
  Please note that I answer all prayers, but sometimes the answer is NO....
• I can't come to the phone now, so... Hey -- that's a nice phone you have there.
  Hey sugar, you call this number often? I bet you have answering machines bothering you all the time....