Related:

• UGLINESS, n. A gift of the gods to certain women, entailing virtue without humility.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• UNIVERSALIST, n. One who forgoes the advantage of a Hell for persons of another faith.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• FIDELITY, n. A virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• ARTLESSNESS, n. A certain engaging quality to which women attain by long study and severe practice upon the admiring male, who is pleased to fancy it resembles the candid simplicity of his young.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• PLAUDITS, n. Coins with which the populace pays those who tickle and devour it.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• GALLOWS, n. A stage for the performance of miracle plays, in which the leading actor is translated to heaven.
  In this country the gallows is chiefly remarkable for the number of persons who escape it....
• PATIENCE, n. A minor form of despair, disguised as a virtue.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• WEDDING, n. A ceremony at which two persons undertake to become one, one undertakes to become nothing, and nothing undertakes to become supportable.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• Interpreter, n.: One who enables two persons of different languages to understand each other by repeating to each what it would have been to the interpreter's advantage for the other to have said.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...