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• Not only is God dead, but just try to find a plumber on weekends." -- Woody Alle
• How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
  -- Woody Alle...
• My brain is my second favorite organ. -- Woody Alle
• I tended to place my wife under a pedestal. -- Woody Alle
• My one regret in life is that I am not someone else. -- Woody Alle
• The prisoners are given one meal a day. That meal is a bowl of steam.
  -- Woody Allen, "Take the Money and Ru...
• Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite.
  This is a very comforting thought-- particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things....
• A thousand years passed since Agamemnon said, `Don't open The gates, who the hell needs A wooden horse that size?
  ' -- Woody Alle...