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• How many bassists -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
  Just one, but the guitarist has to show him fi...
• How many Oregonians -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
  Five. One to screw in the light bulb and four to fend off all those Californians trying to share the experience....
• How many guitarists/actors -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
  One hundred. One to screw it in and 99 to say, "Oh, I can do that....
• How many guitarists -- does it take to change a light bulb?
  Five. One to change it, and four to stand around going "Huh ! I could've done that !...
• How many bureaucrats -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
  Five - one to change the light bulb and the other four to fill out the Environmental Impact Statement....
• How many New Yorkers -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
  Five - one to change the bulb and four to protect him from muggers....
• How many Americans -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
  Five. One to screw it in and four to write the environmental impact statement....
• How many soccer players -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
  15 - One to put the bulb in, 10 to kiss him afterwards, and the other side's back four to all stand around and put their hands up....
• How many Mahayana Buddhists -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
  Four - One to screw in the light bulb, one to not screw in the light bulb, one to not not screw in the light bulb, and one to not do any of those....