Related:

• Did you hear about the girl who was so undesirable that she even turned her vibrator off.
• Did you hear about the old gentleman who had a massive stroke -- it is what made him popular at Sun City orgies.
• Did you hear about the procedure whereby a Nobel Prize winner furnishes sperm for artificial-insemination purposes that is referred to as A STROKE OF GENIUS.
• Did you hear about the farmer who couldn't keep his hands off his wife so he fired them.
• Did you hear about the woman who got out of a taxi, and charged the driver five bucks.
• Most people think life sucks, and then you die. Not me.
  I beg to differ. I think life sucks, then you get cancer, then your dog dies, your wife leaves you, the cancer goes into remission, you get a new dog, you get remarried, you owe ten million dollars in medical bills but you work hard for thirty- five years and you pay it back and then -- one day -- you have a massive stroke, your whole right side is paralyzed, you have to limp along the streets and speak out of the left side of your mouth and drool but you go into rehabilitation and regain the power to walk and the power to talk and then -- one day -- you step off a curb at Sixty-seventh Street, and BANG you get hit by a city bus and then you die....
• The last rush-hour express bus to your neighborhood leaves five minutes before you get off work.
  -- John Corcora...
• A cap of good acid costs five dollars and for that you can hear the Universal Symphony with God singing solo and the Holy Ghost on drums.
  -- Hunter S. Thompso...
• Did you hear about the cross-eyed shoe fetishist who was always getting off on the wrong foot.