Guide: On May 21, 1864, the men of the Ninth Bearded Infantry were
sunning and fluffing their beards in the sun. Suddenly, enemy
troops crested that hill over there.
Man 1: Fort Springfield, we surrender unconditionally!
Man 2: We're sick. We need leeches and hacksaws to saw off our
gangrenous limbs!
Guide: But the Springfield Brigade was too brave to accept the
surrender.
Man 3: Come on, boys! Those white flags are no match for our muskets.
[they charge]
Guide: And the Springfielders heroically slaughtered their enemies as
they prayed for mercy.
[the children watch the mayhem and cheer]
-- Violence sells, "The PTA Disbands"
