Know ye who read this there is more to my life than history records.
Firstly, I did not tame the legendary buffalo. It was already tame, I
merely shot it. Secondly, I have not always been known as Jebediah
Springfield. Until 1796, I was Hans Sprungfeld, murderous pirate, and
the half-wits of this town shall never learn the truth! Ha-ha-ha-ha-
ha! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
I write this confession so that my infamy will live on after my body
has succumbed to my infectious diphtheria.
-- The Secret Confession of Jebediah Springfield,
"Lisa the Iconoclast"
