Related:

• Apu: [grabs a tofu dog off the grill] Quick, quick, no time to cook them -- they will plump in my stomach.
  [quickly eats the hot dog] [drinks some beer quickly and burps] [spots a pretty woman] Hello, beautiful....
• Apu: Ah, my old Squishee machine. And my scum bucket with fly!
  And a whole check list. Woods: Hey, you're Apu Nahasapeemapetilon, aren't you?...
• Apu: Poor Mister Homer. Could it be that my snack treats are responsible for his wretched health?
  Customer: I need some jerky. Apu: Would you like some vodka with that?...
• on "Bite Back"] Kent: Apu, will you ever stop selling spoiled meat?
  Apu: No -- I mean, yes -- I mean -- uh oh. [sweats] [Apu turns off the TV] I think I come off very well....
• Apu: Oh, it's hopeless. Oh, poor Apu. Abe: Hey! The government can't control the sky.
  What if you lived in a balloon? Lisa: That's it!...
• Apu: He is the benevolent and enlightened president and C.
  E.O. of Kwik-E-Mart -- and in Ohio, Stop-O-Mart....
• Apu: Snap on your bulletproof vest, Sanjay, it's time for another bank run.
  Sanjay: All right. But if I don't make it, promise you won't sleep with my wife....
• Homer: Oh, I need money. Apu: Well, if you need money, you should have at least jammed a gun in my ribs, or better yet, you could inquire about my help-wanted sign.
  Homer: You're looking for help? Apu: Yes, we need someone for the demanding yet high-profile midnight to 8am shift....
• Krusty: [dials 1-900-SEX-CHAT] Voice: You've reached the Party Line!
  In a moment, you'll be connected to a hot party, with some of the world's most beautiful women!...