Marge: I have something that I'd like to sell.
John: Please tell me it's your hair.
Marge: [flattered, giggles] No. It's an heirloom my grandmother passed
down to me. A very rare, old figurine from the Civil War.
Lisa: Please don't construe our ownership of this as an endorsement of
slavery.
John: [eyes the doll] Hmm. Well see, here's the thing on this. It's a
Johnny Reb bottle, early 1970s, one of the J & R Whiskey
"Liquor Lads." Two books of green stamps, if I'm not mistaken.
Marge: Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no, no. It's a very, very old figurine.
John: No, it's a liquor bottle. [untwists a cap from the bottle] See?
[pours himself some whiskey and drinks it]
That'll make your bull run.
Marge: Well... I guess it'll always be a monument to Grandma's secret
drinking problem.
-- "Homer's Phobia"
