Related:

• Marge: [dejected] No one bought a wishbone necklace.
  Homer: Well, one of us made some money! I sold a guy our spare tire....
• Abe: That's my son up there! Man: What, the balding fat-ass?
  Abe: Uh, no, the...Hindu guy. -- Abe thinks under pressure, "Homer's Barbershop Quarte...
• Homer: What'd you kids get? Bart: I bought this cool pencil holder.
  Homer: Heh heh, far out man. I haven't seen a bong in years....
• All of a sudden I noticed she was saying my daughter, my son, my silver, my furniture, my house, and your friends, your troubles, your worries, your problems, and your fault.
  -- H. Marti...
• I'd trust Rush Limbaugh with my daughter, but not with my son.
• Bart: Dad, when did you record an album? Homer: I'm surprised you don't remember, son.
  It was only eight years ago. Bart: Dad, thanks to television, I can't remember what happened eight minutes ago....
• Let every man teach his son, teach his daughter, that labor is honorable.
  -- Robert Green Ingersoll (1833-1899)...
• If you can give your son or daughter only one gift, let it be Enthusiasm. -- Bruce Barto
• Homer: You know, son, the day you were born, I received the greatest gift a man could have.
  As the years went by, your mother and I were blessed twice more....